dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
