she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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