roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Life is so much better after having sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize