I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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