i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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