I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Blood and glitter go together right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
