mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
