I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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