so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
