dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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