That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
