I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
