just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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