Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
