I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
