I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
