i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
