I heard we made out
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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