i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
