Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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