The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
