Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My liver just broke up with me...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
