dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
