I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
im on a boat
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