oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
