Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize