If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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