his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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