i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
