somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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