i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
