ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
