The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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