So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
