I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
