i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
