Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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