Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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