You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
