i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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