Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
