Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
