I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
