I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
as a side note pls kill me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
