So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
