me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize