Your tits are I can't wait for
Swine flu is the new snow day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
