I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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