Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
