walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
