Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it hurts more in the daytime
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize