Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
