I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
