Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
