You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
