i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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