I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
