i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In other news, I just burned my penis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
