I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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