I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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