as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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