PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
