A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
