I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
