All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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