I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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