Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
that is very illegal...i love you.
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