I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
