The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
