I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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