absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
