I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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