I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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