I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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